Goalcast is an inspiring community for achievers dedicated to helping you improve all aspects of your life. If someone understands, good. 61. Try spelling Evian backward. ~ (George Carlin). And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. ~ (George Carlin). Ice Cube visits the "Sway in the Morning" show with Sway Calloway on Shade 45 at SiriusXM Studios on December 07, 2018, in New York City. 108. I have as much authority as the Pope. All rights reserved. Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? ~ (George Carlin). In his 50-year career as one of Americas most poignant and provocative social critics, the irreverent actor, author and comedian left no sacred cow unsinged as he took to lobbing one grenade after the next into the comfort zones of American life. The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live. Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. Carlin did this better than anyone else. Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? He described himself thus: "Im a rude dude, but Im the real deal. Born in New York in 1937, George Carlin was an American comic icon, actor, social critic, and author. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? ~ (George Carlin). In a world where we agree on so little, it is nice to have a voice from the past whose bias can not be defined as strictly partisan. WebGeorge Carlin Quote: Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners. Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners. March 24, 2023. Its so f***ing heroic. Thats the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. If he were working today theyd call him a right-wing conspiracy theorist. It will not be with jack-boots. Carlin certainly aimed to provoke, but its the why and how of it that made him so exceptional. You enjoy yourselves. This is what we have to offer. Nobody owns anything. 99. Quotes from the late comedian and social critic, George Carlin, often surface in the political arena of social media. Laugh until you gasp for breath. ~ (George Carlin). I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. Instead of division let's have a laugh about what we share in common. 36. 109. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull sh*t they teach you in school. If you have selfish ignorant citizens If you have selfish ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish ignorant leaders. Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. 22. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. He said: [There was] a lot of classroom freedomin fact there was so much freedom that by eighth grade, many of us had lost the faith. In America, anyone can become president. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. George Carlin. I think that speaks for itself. 94. The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. Weve added years to life, not life to years. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. All Rights Reserved. George Carlin Quotes on Politics - LiveAbout 13. This is the best we can do folks. 82. What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. ~ (George Carlin). Life is a series of dogs. ~ (George Carlin). If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. ~ (George Carlin). ", "Selling is legal. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose., "Life is not that complicated. Fuck em. Deal with it. ~ (George Carlin). Dont just teach your children to read. They made questioners out of us and they really didnt have any answers. Where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans ready to step in and save the nation and lead the way? Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. 77. George Carlin ", "Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? 7. Never let the brain idle. We havent tried that for a while. Theres no present. 117. As for the poor, [conservatives] tell us [the poor]'ve lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. Considered as one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all 49. What do dogs do on their day off? Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. ~ (George Carlin). 10. You have owners. The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. 56. Dont just teach your children to read Teach your children to question what they read, teach them to question everything. Im fu*kin serious! ~ (George Carlin). When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. I just dont have as many people who believe it., "I'm completely in favor of the separation of church and state. George Carlin. Enjoy! No nothing. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. Everyone smiles in the same If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. 74. Do these people honestly think that God is sitting around picking out his favorites? And apparently Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. ~ (George Carlin). Women are crazy. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. An idle mind is the devils workshop. And the devils name is Alzheimers. ~ (George Carlin). Famous quotes on life, death, politics and of course the American government. Powered by Shopify. Here, we bring you 27 of the best George Carlin quotes of all time. George Carlin was way ahead of his time. WebThis video presents the 30 best quotes from the legendary comedian George Carlin. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. ~ (George Carlin). Why isn't selling fucking legal?". They [Catholic teachers] would fall back on, Well, its a mystery.[2]. WebGovernments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to Its interested in its own power. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. He was raised an Irish Catholic, even an alter boy, and attended a Catholic school until the age of 15, when he dropped out of school.[1]. He was one of the first to know it was all bullshit propagated by government and corporate elites. Everybody says they suck. They are our elected officials. ~ (George Carlin). Bruce Lee was raised Catholic and Buddhist. 'Cause pretty soon they have little hats. And in 2017,Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. I have as much authority as the Pope. If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself cant lift it? ~ (George Carlin). And armbands. And fight songs. ", "In America, anyone can become president. There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting! ~ (George Carlin). By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. It will not be with jack-boots. Theyre all in favour of the unborn. Now I feel better. ~ (George Carlin). I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. Leave these f**king people alone for Christ's sake. If you have selfish ignorant citizens If you have selfish ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish ignorant leaders. Praise for George Carlin's social and political criticisms and his contributions to a This is the kind of shit youd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. "In America, anyone can become president. Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountains majesty above the asphalt plain. Maybe something else sucks around here like: THE PUBLIC. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? No, you don't see them adopting a whole lot of crack babies, do you? 30 Best George Carlin Quotes - YouTube 17. Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass. ~ (George Carlin). Deal with it. Gov Greg Abbott is using the border crisis to hurt Black-run, Media Matters bombshell: Tucker Carlson caught slamming streaming service Fox Nation, Donald Trump to participate in a CNN presidential town hall next week, Hillary Clinton shares a graph to slam Trump on natl debt & gets help finishing it, See if you can figure out what President Joe Biden is doing in this clip, Charles Payne spots yet another reason to ban congressional stock trading ASAP, NBC News Ben Collins is sick and tired of editorial boards not talking to actual reporters like, CNN asks why SO many of us are unhappy with the country and THIS is why we cant have nice things, Group that went to bat for UVA hate crime hoaxer rages at right-wing media for telling the, Here's the Montana state rep who'd rather her daughter commit suicide than transition, ABC News: LGBTQ+ lawmakers finding themselves fighting literally just 'to exist', Antony Blinken too busy to say if he accepts that Hunter Biden's laptop was not disinformation, California Do Not Sell My Personal Information, George Carlin wouldnt even want to be claimed as your partisan hero and if that offends you his legacy lives on. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit. George Carlin on Voting transcript 79. I have lots of ideas. The Kennedy Center posthumously awarded this year's Mark Twain Prize for American Humor to George Carlin. Thats the problem. ~ (George Carlin). 62. I don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. Not only do I not know whats going on, I wouldnt know what to do about it if I did. ~ (George Carlin). Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. 116. Results like these do not belong on the rsum of a Supreme Being. 96. Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. They own you. 24. Trouble is, most of them suck. ~ (George Carlin). On the face of it, one could say that he was an exceptional sociocultural critic who left a lasting mark in modern society through his witty reflections and incredibly entertaining sharp statements. You don't. If youre born in America you get a front row seat. The people are fucked. Heres all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion. In Carlin's day, the troglodyte hardline evangelic conservative always tried to rule society's language and morality with an iron fist. He also suggests that politicians are merely the puppets bringing big businesses plans and ideas to fruition. Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bullshit they teach you in school. Something lofty and poetic: "Nay Family Way"; something earthhy and crude: "Mom Bomb"; something for the youngsters, "Junior Miss"; here's a real man's product, "Inconceivable"! Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. 97. Here are some powerful quotes of pure humor and sparkling intellect to follow you through the day! Everyone smiles in the same language. ~ (George Carlin). Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. 81. WebAmerican stand-up comedian George Carlin is notable for his long-standing popularity from the early 60s up until his death in 2008. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. ~ (George Carlin). Electricity is really just organized lighting. ~ (George Carlin). - Susan Polis Schutz -- "Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music." 23. I know, they say, they say: well if you dont vote you have no right to complain. An outsider: someone not part of the group. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language. ~ (George Carlin). Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. 1. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? ~ (George Carlin). 37. 135 Notable Oscar Wilde Quotes on Writing and Life, 105 Frederick Douglass Quotes on Progress & Freedom, 55 William Golding Quotes from Author of Lord of the Flies, 67 Salvador Dali Quotes From The Surreal Spanish Artist, 45 Tee Grizzley Quotes from the American Rapper, 32 Jean Toomer Quotes from American Poet & Novelist. They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. He was an outspoken, acerbic social critic, and what came out of his mouthcould be shocking or even sometimes vulgar, but often his railings against injustice or stupidity or corruption shone a light on some dark areas as he said things that others would or could not say. "Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. You show me a tropical fruit and Ill show you a cocksucker from Guatemala. ~ (George Carlin). If you're born in America you get a front row seat. In America, anyone can become president. We are. ~ (George Carlin). ", "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to haveselfish, ignorant leaders. But once you're born, you're on your own. He won several Grammy awards and was posthumously honored with the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. Thats the problem. I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. ~ (George Carlin). He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives dont care Though Carlin criticized the Libertarian Party (sorry fellow libertarians), his rebellion against the status quo and political tyranny encompassed the libertarian attitude and spirit. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. We think in words. Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. Its because volunteers work for no pay. '", "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. If at first you dont succeed, redefine success. ~ (George Carlin). The planet is fine. Continue with Recommended Cookies. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. ~ (George Carlin). 66. To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from.